idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
