I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
