Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize