It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
