Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
