life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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