You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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