No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
