this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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