come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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