return my video game
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
