Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize