Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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