I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
