I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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