Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
