Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
