Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
