Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
