I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Even my vagina gasped.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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