Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
