you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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