well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
