If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize