update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
