I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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