ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
