thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
