i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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