Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
