GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
