just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Soap is not a condiment
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
