you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
