How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
