so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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