There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
