So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
