What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
