They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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