Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
