At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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