I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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