No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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