I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
