I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
