i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
