so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
