I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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