Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
