Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
