if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a hot homeless man
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
