she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
