I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
