he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
