Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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