Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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