What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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