I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
