dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
