do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
