you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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