The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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