On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
