If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
