I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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