We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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